Hello lovely readers! And a very happy Pride to you. I wish you all a joyful month ahead, remember to love and support each other (especially the dolls) and keep raising those bricks high!
As the title of this post suggests, I’m not here to bring any exciting writing news, rather the opposite. In my last post, I talked about my current work in progress, Project Locrian, about how much I was enjoying planning it, how I looked forward to you meeting my characters, and how I’d hoped to write the first draft as one of my goals for this year.
Yeah..I’m not so sure now.
I struggled so much trying to start the first draft. Everything I wrote was abysmal, it didn’t have the right “feel” to it, I found it difficult to find the right voice for my characters. I’m aware the first draft isn’t supposed to be pretty. It’s supposed to be word vomit that you sift through later. And yet, I found it very demoralising just how crap my writing was.
It dawned on me then that, actually, I have no idea what I’m doing. I know how to write, that much I’m certain of, but I don’t know how to write a book. Structure, pace, layout..these are all things I still need to learn. I’m going to make an effort to actually study how one writes a book, something I maybe should have done years ago rather than relishing in my hubris that just “talent” will lead the way (Any recommendations this would be greatly appreciated!)
Also, something I came to realise about Project Locrian was that it wasn’t feminist enough. A lot of things that were happening to Eden (and thus the plot) were things beyond her control. She had almost no choice in how the story progressed. Things happened whether she wanted it or not. Even the main romance plot was a “fated mates” situation where, again, she had no choice in the matter.
Also I found Eden to be quite unlikable (which hurt because there is a lot of me in her..)
Now, this led me to the question: does a book always have to be an extension of the author? Can one write a story that doesn’t necessarily align with one’s real life beliefs? In many cases, it’s impossible to separate the art from the artist; this feels like a similar principle.
I marketed Project Locrian as a paranormal, very light dark romance. Now that I’ve read more of the genre and talked with some authors, I’m come to realise that one) I’m not sure I want it to be a dark romance anymore, and two) yes, you can absolutely write about things that you don’t agree with in real life. So to that end, I should be able to write Project Locrian without guilt.
(And because I’m terrified of somebody misconstruing what I’m saying here, I just want to clarify that I’m not saying dark romance is anti-feminist. Just that if dark romance authors can write about things that they don’t agree with, then it means I can too. There’s no correlation, I was just using it as the example.)
However, after stewing over some parts of the story that were giving me trouble, and reworking some plot stuff, I’ve managed to make the story more feminist. Eden has so much more autonomy and power in the story, and honestly? It was so much better than my original vision.
And yet, I still don’t feel like I’m ready to write this story. As I said before, I will strive to better learn the craft before I attempt it again.
I also have a great difficulty committing to one story. I say Project Locrian is the novel I want to write, but then I have so many other ideas too. I guarantee next year I’ll be working on something else and claiming that as my “this is the book I’ll finish” book! Maybe I just haven’t come up with the book yet..
In the meantime, I am back to writing short stories. This is where I feel most in my comfort zone. Whilst I study how to write a book, I will write short stories for my own pleasure. I’m currently working on a sapphic horror which is an absolute joy to write. I’ve been toying with the idea of putting all these short stories together as a collection (which I may or maybe not publish some day..). As it stands, it’s multi-genre, and I know that’s hard to market. Unless I can find a common thread that links them, it’s looking unlikely..
First and foremost, I write these short stories for myself, so maybe it’s not so bad if they never see the light of day.
So..yeah. Project Locrian is on hiatus for now.
I think that’s about it for this time. Nothing exciting to share. But I’ll keep writing, and I’ll keep learning, and one day, I will finish a book.
That’s all for now. Soph, signing off!
Sophie Brookes 