Hello lovely people! It’s been a while, how are you? I hope the warmer weather isn’t being too harsh on you!
So, as you may be aware if you follow either my site or my Twitter, I’ve been writing a poetry collection centred around my struggle with insomnia, which I have named Dear Hypnos. I am pleased to announce that I have reached my 50 poem quota! Editing aside, Dear Hypnos is complete!
..I thought I would be more excited about the next stage of the process. Once editing is done, I’ll begin research as to how one actually self-publishes a book. And..to be completely honest, the more I think about it, the less I actually want to do it.
It’s not that I think it’ll be hard. I know and am acquainted with many indie authors now, so I’m starting to familiarise myself with the process. I have two fears for this next step, and they’re contradicting themselves.
Basically, I’m terrified of putting myself out there, but at the same time, I’m worried about what happens AFTER I put myself out there..
I’m going to be honest. I’m not built for this. Whoring myself out on social media when I don’t like it, desperately drip-feeding information about Dear Hypnos to keep everyone interested, constantly reminding everyone that I exist and that I have a book coming out.
But then..what is my other choice? If I don’t keep up with all this, then I don’t get engagement, and then my book won’t sell.
This is all sounds very negative and one-sided, and that I only go on Twitter for future consumers. This isn’t true at all. That’s just one side of it. I adore the genuine connections I have made on Twitter, like the found family I have with the Dark Poet Society. Those engagements I have no trouble with, I enjoy talking with my fellow Crows. It’s just the marketing side of it. It’s exhausting.
And then my other fear. Say I get over my social anxiety enough to publish Dear Hypnos and get it out there. There is literally no guarantee that anyone is going to like it. This could be the worse poetry ever written, and people are going to tell me that. Am I going to be able to handle that? No, I hate criticism, even though it’s integral to the indie author!
I realise I will never please everyone with Dear Hypnos, I’m not even trying to. But..the idea that it might actually be a pile of rubbish is making me not want to publish.
It’s still in the stewing process. Who knows, I might get to the editing part and realise that all these worries are just my anxiety being horrible to me, and that, actually, Dear Hypnos is good. And different! So many people have commented on how insomnia-cased poetry sounds interesting!
So..there you go. Will I end up publishing? If I don’t, nobody else will, and isn’t that what I’ve been working towards since I was eight years old? I’ve got to be brave, I guess. Take the next step.
That’s all I have for you today. I apologise that it’s been somewhat ranty and negative, but I needed to get this out there. Perhaps some of you have any advice for me? I’d love to hear it!
I’ll see you soon. Sophie, signing off!