Saying Goodbye To 2025! (And My Goals For 2026)

Hello lovely reader! I hope you had the most splendid festive season, no matter what it is you believe in and how it is you celebrate. Mine was quiet and understated, but I was able to spend time with my nearest and dearest (and getting everything off of my list was a nice bonus!)

So, 2025. Excuse my French but what a fucking year. Not to wish my fleeting life away but I am beyond ready to the see the tail-end of it! From losing a grandparent, to dealing with a stalker situation, and finding myself in financial strife, it’s just been awful. My mental and physical health tanked, just…yikes. It was not good.

Nevertheless, I do not wish for this to be a negative post. Instead I want to focus on the good things. As crap as a year this has been, there has thankfully been some nice bits. So let’s remind myself of those!

The Completion of My Moominhouse

I started building the Moominhouse in the beginning of 2023. I had just gotten over a very severe illness, and was in dire need of a pick-me-up. I had seen an advert for this Moominhouse subscription, where every month or so, you’d receive parts of the house and instructions on how to build it, plus various characters to go along with it. Since I was a little girl, I’ve always wanted to build a dollhouse like this, so I decided; why not? This kickstarted my love for the Moomins (yup, I didn’t really know of them beforehand!) And now, just over two years later, it is complete!

Writing Wins

For 2025, my writing goal was simply to “write something a month”. I left it vague as to not pressure myself too much. I could decide myself if what I’d achieved in said month was enough. And, ignoring the months where I was dealing with stuff, I feel like I accomplished this. I drafted a few stories for some submissions, I wrote a Nosferatu fanfiction, but my biggest win was plotting my current WIP, which goes under the working title Project Locrian. This is a massive deal for me, before Project Locrian, I was a loyal Pantser! However, the more I plotted this story, the easier it came. I honestly believe I was supposed to be a Plotter all along..oh well, better late than never! But yes, I am almost finished with the plotting/building stage of Project Locrian, and I hope to make a start on the first draft soon!

Three Amazing Concerts

If you know me at all, then you know I adore going to concerts. Since finding my courage to go alone, and to drive myself no matter the distance, I have been able to go to some amazing gigs. I went to three this year:

  • Newton Faulkner, 1st May, Corn Exchange Theatre, Stamford – This was probably my favourite gig of the year, just because of how intimate it was. It was also a very impromptu concert for me; I had to speedrun Newt’s discography before I went! But I absolutely adored it, he played a lot of my favourite songs, and I was perceived!
  • Empire of The Sun, 2nd August, Old Naval College, Greenwich – This one wasn’t what I was expected at all. I didn’t realise it was a music festival until I turned up! I got there at around three in the afternoon, and Empire of The Sun didn’t come on until nine in the evening. So..six hours of waiting around, occasionally broken up by the odd support band and/or DJ. It was a long day, and unfortunately the etiquette of festival-goers (or lack of!) meant I didn’t have the best time. Also I had to watch the whole thing through a screen, so there was definitely a disconnect and I felt like I wasn’t really there? But, they did play all the songs I wanted them to, so we’ll take it as a win!
  • Damiano David, 28th September, The Roundhouse, Camden – This was a fabulous gig, with a lot of energy and finesse. Damiano has a lot of stage charisma (duh, he’s Italian!) and it was such a joy to watch him! I’ve been wanting to see him live ever since Maneskin won Eurovision a few years ago, and whilst I would have preferred it to be the full band, this was a lovely substitute.

House of Kong: The Gorillaz Exhibition

Gorillaz is one of the great loves in my life, so when I saw they were hosting an exhibition down in London, I obviously knew I had to go! So, I hopped on the train for what would turn out to be an absolutely splendid day! The exhibition completely subverted all my expectations. It was interactive and immersive, and for some parts you had Murdoc’s voice in your ear leading the way! No pictures or filming were allowed inside, so you’ll just have to take my word it. But it was honestly amazing. I believe it’s going over to Los Angeles next year, so any of my US friends that are also Gorillaz fans, I definitely recommend going! Whilst I was down in London, I also checked out Yungblud’s shop, it was so cool!

So, yes. Whilst 2025 was a truly awful year, I can’t deny that there were some parts that I thoroughly enjoyed. But I am looking forward to 2026, and for now, I’m ambitious and eager for what’s to come. I have a few goals:

First Draft of Project Locrian

Now that Project Locrian has been thoroughly plotted, it is finally time for me to tackle the first draft! I’ve been itching to write this story since it first came to me months ago, and now it’s finally time. For the curious few, Project Locrian started life as a Wednesday Addams x Tyler Galpin fanfiction (from Tim Burton’s Wednesday), but the more I fleshed it out, the more I realised this needed to be its own story. A paranormal romance with very light horror and dark romance elements (and I mean VERY LIGHT, barely a dark romance by some of the popular standards..) It’s also full of ND and queer rep, things that are very dear to me. I’m looking forwards to people meeting Eden and Cyrus, although it might be a while yet..

Gain Weight

A rather radical ambition, seeing as a lot of people are hoping to lose weight as their first resolution of the year! There’s not much to this one. I lost some weight this year, and I’m hoping to get it back. The thing is, I have no idea how much I weighed before, I haven’t weighed myself in years! All I have is the measure of whether my clothes fit me properly. I’m planning on getting a set of scales, and recording what I’m eating, and hopefully go from there. It’s the reason I haven’t been posting many selfies as of late, so yes, I’d love to get my weight and my confidence back!

Continue Exploring Fashion

One of my goals for this year was to explore my sense of fashion. Yes, I love flannel shirts and band tees, but I also love goth/alt fashion, and I would like to dress more like the latter a little more often. I did make a bit of a start, I bought a few new tops I liked, experimented with accessories and make-up, but I didn’t do as much as I was hoping for. In 2026, I vow to be more expressive with what I wear. I’ve started putting some money aside for a big shopping trip (including thrift stores!) so hopefully I can add more variety to my wardrobe. I would like to start wearing make-up too, but not all the time. I’ve led the tomboy, bare-faced lifestyle for so long now, I’m comfortable with how I look, so I know I wouldn’t want to do that all the time. It’s more of a “it would be nice to make the effort once in a while” sort of thing. Also it would be nice to hide the eyebags every now and then..

And with that, I’m done. 2025 was beyond shit, but maybe 2026 can be better. I’m motivated for the things I want to achieve, honestly I want to thrive out of spite! Things will be better, if I can help it.

I wish you all the best for the new year.

Soph, signing off!

Ranking My 2025 Albums

Hello lovely readers! This is actually the first time I’ve written a blog post this year (yikes!) This year has been..again, yikes. But that’s not what I’m here for today. I’ll go into more detail about my year in my end of year/new year goals post I was planning on doing at the very end of the year. Today though, we’re talking music.

So, 2025 was an excellent year for new music. From beloved bands, to bands I literally only discovered this year, I have not been left wanting for incredible tunes! Needless to say, I have A LOT to say about the music I listened to, much more than merits a single social media post. So, here we are.

I listened to eleven new releases this year, and I loved every single one of them. None of them were bad. None of them made me think “..eh, it’s alright, I suppose..” No, I loved ALL of them. Because I can never just like something “a little bit”, it has to consume my very soul. Nevertheless, I will attempt to rank them. Sure, I loved them all, but some I definitely loved more than others.

How am I ranking them? I must stress that this is solely on how the music made me feel. Technicality or skill might not necessarily be a factor. A more talented musician may rank lower on the list simply because they didn’t move me as much as another musician did. So yes, this is purely based on my personal feelings. Did I hyperfixate on a certain song? Did I listen to naught but one album for five entire months straight? That sort of thing..

Anyway, without further ado, my albums of the year:

11th Place – Parasomnia by Dream Theater

This was a very highly anticipated album for me, as this was Dream Theater’s first album since welcoming back Mike Portnoy; drummer and one of the founding members. I really enjoyed this album, I definitely felt what had been missing from previous years. Technically sound and skillful as always. I had the privilege of watching the live debut of Night Terror in London last year, and the rest of the album delivers.

Favourite songs: Night Terror / Midnight Messiah

10th Place – Dan Avidan & Super Guitar Bros III by Dan Avidan & Super Guitar Bros

This is the first of three albums on this list that features Dan Avidan (he’s been a busy boy this year!) Obviously I adore this album, everything Dan touches with that voice of his is divine. Combined with the effortless acoustic guitar skills of Super Guitar Bros, this was such a joy to listen to. And that cover of Teardrop..oh my!

Favourite songs: Canned Heat / Teardrop / Ten Years Gone

9th Place – Victim 2 by A Killer’s Confession

Another album I was eager for; the second of the planned Victim Trilogy. In Victim 1, we were introduced to a vigilante serial killer, targeting wicked criminals in the name of justice. In Victim 2, his desires turn to darker shades, and he faces a crisis of conscience. This is definitely the superior of the two Victim albums, I found myself coming back to this record (especially on the bad days!)

Favourite songs: Hopeless Gray / Hollow / Heart-shaped Box / Baptized By The Fire

8th Place – Under The Covers IV by Ninja Sex Party

And the second album on the list to feature Dan Avidan! Whilst I do love NSP’s original content, there’s something about their Under The Covers albums that just hit a little different. Also this was the album that gave names to a few songs that I’ve known forever but have never known who they were by or what they were called! I’m seeing these guys next year, I hope they play some stuff off of this album.

Favourite songs: The Power of Love / Walk The Dinosaur / What a Fool Believes / Life’s What You Make it / SOS

7th Place – Idols by Yungblud

Yungblud has had an incredible year. His amazing cover of Changes at Black Sabbath’s Back To The Beginning concert has garnered him which an overwhelming increase to his fanbase. Being a Yungblud fan for years now, I feel it’s a crime that it’s taken THIS LONG for people to appreciate him! Still, better late than never. Idols is an absolute triumph of an album, I look forward to witnessing it live next year!

Favourite songs: Hello Heaven, Hello / Lovesick Lullaby / Zombie / Monday Murder / Ghosts / Fire

6th Place – Octopus by Newton Faulkner

Getting reacquainted with Newton Faulkner has been delightful! Admittedly, I only really knew his first two albums before this year, but an impromptu decision to go see him live had me speed-running the rest of his discography! And I’m so very glad I did, he was amazing live. He played some of the songs of this new album too. This was definitely a “I liked this more than I thought I would” album.

Favourite songs: What Took You So Long / Spirit Meets The Bone / You Make It Look So Easy / Don’t Make Me Beg / Gravitational

5th Place – Funny Little Fears by Damiano David

This very quickly became a comfort album for me, it fills me with so much joy when I listen to it. Very different to what Damiano does with Maneskin, a different flavour if you will. I went to see him live and he played this album in full, it was fabulous!

Favourite songs: Voices / Zombie Lady / Angel / Tango / Born With a Broken Heart / Mars / The First Time

4th Place – Prisms by Shadow Academy

And so we arrive at the third Dan Avidan album on the list! I listened to Prisms for a week straight, I couldn’t get enough of it. I feel like this album really gave us the full scope of what Dan as a singer is capable of. Gorgeous, gorgeous record!

Favourite songs: Across The Great Unknown / Icarus / One Way Mirror / Prisms / Threatener / Welcome Gemini

3rd Place – Skeleta by Ghost

As somebody who is fairly new to Ghost, this was my first time being present for a new album cycle (and a new Papa). I don’t pretend to fully understand the lore yet, but nevertheless, it was an exciting time, and again, I believe I listened to this album none stop for a week or so. I could have seen them live this year but I (stupidly!) decided against it.

Favourite songs: Peacefield / Lachryma / Satanized / Missilia Amori / Umbra

2nd Place – Mayhem by Lady Gaga

Mother Monster, how I missed you! Lady Gaga always feels like the outlier in my music tastes, and yet I devour everything she does. This was a phenomenal album; Nine Inch Nails vibes, Bowie and Prince vibes, dark/gothic disco vibes, so good. Abracadabra had a hold on me for weeks! This was very almost a perfect album, if not for that one song I have to skip because I can’t stand it..

Favourite songs: Disease / Abracadabra / Garden of Eden / Perfect Celebrity / Killah / Zombieboy / Shadow of A Man

1st Place – Even In Arcadia by Sleep Token

I only discovered Sleep Token this year, but my goodness, the absolute chokehold they’ve had over me! For MONTHS, I could not listen to anything else. I have no idea what sorcery they spin, but my brain chemistry has been altered for sure. I almost feel guilty for not knowing them sooner?? I adore them, I cannot get enough of them. When I listen to this album, I’m transported elsewhere; an entire fantasy story happens in my head!

Favourite songs: Look To Windward / Emergence / Past Self / Even In Arcadia / Provider / Infinite Baths

Honourable Mentions:

As I mentioned above, I listened to eleven NEW albums, but they weren’t all that I listened to. Upon giving Even In Arcadia a go and really enjoying it, I took it upon myself to listen to everything else Sleep Token had; the three albums in the Trilogy of Trauma (Sundowning, This Place Will Become Your Tomb, Take Me Back To Eden) their two EPs (One and Two) as well as a spattering of other singles and covers.

I literally like it all. There’s not a single Sleep Token song I dislike (again, what sorcery are they spinning??) Take Me Back To Eden has very easily earned its way into my top albums of all time. I’ve listened to it every single week since May, and the fire isn’t dying any time soon..

So, there you have it. My ranking of the albums I listened to this year. Maybe my yapping might inspire you to check out these albums, maybe there’s a chance I’ve introduced you to a musician you didn’t know of. Were there any 2025 releases that I didn’t listen to that you think I’d enjoy? I’m always open to trying to new music (for it is my ultimate therapy!)

I’ll be posting again soon, talking about the past year, and what I’m hoping for in 2026. I hope you’ll come again.

Soph, signing off!

End of Year Reflection & Goals For 2025

Hello lovely readers! I hope you had the most wonderful festive season, whatever it is you chose to celebrate. And I wish you all the best for the approaching new year!

Said new year is the reason for today’s post. I wanted to take some time to reflect over the things I did and didn’t achieve in 2024, as well as go into a little detail about the things I’m hoping for in 2025. Originally this was just going to be a social media post, but as it turns out, I have far too much to say!

So, without further ado..

End of Year Reflection

About halfway through the year, I did a half-yearly reflection post, where I talked about how my five resolutions for 2024 were fairing. In that post, I had already forsaken three of them, so I won’t bother bringing those up again. Instead, we’ll focus on the two that I was actively pursuing:

Weekly Short Stories

I had given myself the task to write one short story every week. Again, last time I talked about this, I explained that initially, this resolution was going incredibly well. I was managing to get a little story done every single week…for about twelve weeks, and then I started weaning off some very invasive anti-anxiety meds which messed with my head and completely snatched away all my productivity..

I ended up taking a little break. In my half-yearly reflection post, my Weekly Short Story count was at fifteen. It is now at sixteen, I managed to get myself writing again in the last few weeks.

So. Sixteen short stories. In a year. You know, when I phrase it like that, it doesn’t sound so bad. And yet the pessimistic, perfectionist in me reminds me “well, it should have been fifty-two.”

But let’s ignore that voice. Sixteen short stories is a lot more than I had at the beginning of the year. So I’m counting that one as a win.

Focus More On Gaming

Now, if I had forsaken reading entirely this year, then I definitely would have managed to play more games. But asking me not to read is like asking the seasons not to change or the sun not to rise. I simply cannot do that.

However! I definitely DID play games this year. I’m currently playing Ace Attorney: Investigations, and as soon as I’m finished, I’ve moving straight onto the sequel (which I’ve never played as it never got a Western release until this year!)

For those interested, here is the list of games I played:

  • Stardew Valley (I’m slowly chipping away at this, currently romancing and hoping to wife Leah!)
  • Another Code and it’s sequel (I adored this series, highly recommend)
  • Tomb Raider 1-3 Remastered (although admittedly I DNF’d because the controls are awful!)
  • Snufkin: Melody of Moominvalley (y’all know I love Moomins)
  • Crash Bandicoot N.Sane Trilogy (a blast from the past!)
  • WWE 19 (yeah, I also got back into wrestling this year..)

So, whilst I haven’t played many games, I still count it as a win as I’ve played a lot more than I usually do!

Honourable Mention

Now, I can’t possibly spend some time reflecting on the year without mentioning the concerts I went to. Concerts have become rather special and important to me; life feels a little more beautiful when I’m at one. I’m grateful that I found the courage to do all these long drives, and to go alone, it’s definitely worth it for the memories. There were a lot of seconds this year, as for three of the bands I saw, this was my second time watching them; Dream Theater, Siamés, and Slipknot.

I was able to attend five amazing concerts this year:

Vended, 30th May, Rescue Rooms, Nottingham – These boys are absolutely phenomenal live. A lot of people doff them off as a nepotism band, but they actually have so much talent. Griff has a lot of power and energy on stage, such a pleasure to watch! I also want to mention the fleeting friends I made at this gig. Concerts are usually a solo thing for me; I go by myself and keep to myself. But at Vended, I met a very enthusiastic fellow with green hair, whose wife looked like a fairy (and high af..) They bought me drink and we chatted. I also talked with a couple who gave me a temporary tattoo! It was a very surreal experience, but I enjoyed every second of it.

Bambie Thug, 5th September, Heaven, London – 2024 introduced me to the incredible Bambie Thug, and seeing them live was just amazing. From the gimpy dancers, to their slowly diminishing outfit, to being absolutely soaked when they shot the audience with water pistols, this gig was definitely a fun one! Also I adored The Darklings, the support act. Campy to the max!

Dream Theater, 20th October, 02 Arena, London – The Dream Theater gig was important for so many reasons. Not only was it the very first show of the tour, but it was also the only UK date. This three hour show celebrated not only forty years of the band, but also of the return of Mike Portnoy, the original drummer and founding member. The energy of the room was immense, and they played so many of my favourite songs. The highlight was definitely when they played their twenty-four minute long epic, Octavarium. It was cosmic!

Siamés, 29th November, Deaf Institute, Manchester – I implore you to listen to Siamés, they are such an underrated and unheard of band (although they did sell out both their UK dates this year!) They have a lot of energy on stage, and they come to say hi to you afterwards! The highlight of this gig was definitely catching a drumstick when the drummer threw them out at the end.

Slipknot, 18th December, Utilita Arena, Birmingham – I mean, at this point I feel like I don’t even need to tell you how amazing Slipknot are. Celebrating twenty-five years since the release of their debut album, the show was intense the whole night through. I will never get over Corey Taylor’s on-stage charisma, I absolutely adore this man!

So. Those are my concerts of 2024. I was going to rank them, but honestly? They’re all number one. (..also I may already have two concerts lined up for 2025..)

What else did I do this year? Let’s see..

  • I’m still slowly working on my Moominhouse, so I made a lot of progress this year. I only have a few packages left, and I’m eager for its completion next year!
  • I managed to get a few cosplays done. I still consider myself an amateur in this field, so I’m so very grateful when they turn out okay and people enjoy them. This year’s cosplays were: a gothic romance maiden for Valentine’s Day, four of my own original characters as part of a “Showcasing My Queer Characters” collection for Pride Month, four looks based off of Bambie Thug songs, and both a pierrot and Dusk from The Hex Girls for Halloween!
  • I started my Weekly Poetry Reading! Each week, with the help of polls, I select one of my daily poems and record myself reading them aloud. I’m still floored by the response these get each week, so for that I’m so grateful (it’s because of the accent, isn’t it? I never liked my voice much but you lot seem to like it!)
  • I was published once again! I have a poem featured in Renascentum – Crow Calls VI, published by the delightfully dreadful Quill & Crow Publishing House. This marks the eighth time this amazing publishing house has taken a chance on my words, and for that I’m eternally grateful. If you’d like to support both myself and Quill & Crow, be sure to pick up Renascentum (and so, so many other amazing books too!) at The Crow Shoppe.
  • This seems like a weird one to bring up, but at the beginning of the year, I found myself hyperfixating on David Bowie. Bowie is by no means a new interest of mine, I’ve adored him since my teens; his music, his philosophies, his artistic vision, all of it! And yet the hyperfixation allowed me to appreciate him on a much deeper level.

So. Whilst I might not have achieved all of my goals for this year, I still did a lot with my time. Overall, my year was beyond pleasant. I’m grateful for the memories I made.

Alrighty, that about wraps up my reflection for 2024. And now, my goals for 2025:

Goals For 2025

Monthly Writing

I felt that this year’s goal was much too restrictive and ambitious. So for next year, I’m giving myself the vague goal of “finish at least one thing once a month”. Be that a short story, a longer poem, or maybe even some plans and progress for one of my larger projects.

A month is a long time to get something finished. With my weekly short stories, there was no editing or fine tuning being done, so this also gives me more time for that!

Broaden My Fashion Horizons (and get better at make-up)

And no, this has nothing to do with that delightful person who called me “a man in a dress”. Truth be told, I’ve wanted to further explore my femininity…probably since turning 30. I’ve always struggled with self-esteem, ever since I was a really young girl, and for the majority of my life, I just accepted that I wasn’t particularly nice to look at. And I was fine with that.

I’ve been a tomboy since my teens. I’ve never been one for make-up (except for when I was in my emo phase, and I did the heavy eyeliner), and I think I look stupid in dresses and skirts. So skinny jeans, band-tees, and flannel shirts have been my go-to fashion for a long while now. I like to think they suit me, or that I at least look comfortable in them.

However, sometime in my late 20’s, I found my sense of self-worth, my confidence grew, and finally I realised that, actually, I look alright. Attractive even, although that definitely changes from day to day (occasionally I have what I call “Bad Face Days” where I really don’t like how I look).

And now I’m in my 30s, and now I know my worth, I want to further explore my fashion options. If you watch my Weekly Poetry Readings, you’ll have noticed that I like to dress up a little bit whilst I’m doing them. That definitely sparked something. Whilst I still love being a tomboy, I want to try new things.

And yeah, I’d also like to learn how to do make-up better. The times I’ve tried, I feel like I’m a kid who got in their mother’s make-up set! I don’t plan on wearing it often; I don’t like wearing it, and I believe that we shouldn’t have to wear it, especially in “professional” settings (men aren’t expected to wear make-up, so why should we??) But there have been times when a bit of make-up would have added to a look.

Also, as a PSA, since the incident with the person calling me “a man in a dress”, I’ve had a few people misconstrue me as being trans, so I’d just like to clarify that I’m cis (however, I am a trans ally!) The “we can always tell” crowd never fail to amuse me. News flash, some cis-women also “don’t look that feminine”, whatever that’s supposed to mean!

Continue My Reading/Gaming Balance

I’ve adored being able to find time to play video games this year, so I’m going to continue it into 2025. A few new games have caught my eye, and I’d love to be able to play them when they release. Of course, I’ll still read, because there are also new books coming out that I’ve very excited about (namely Sunrise on The Reaping, another Hunger Games book!)

For now, I’m happy with these three goals. I also want to look for a new job, but I feel like announcing it as a definite goal will put too much pressure on me. I’ll get myself on Indeed/LinkedIn and get my CV sorted, but I’ll keep it in the background for now.

I also want to keep living my life to the fullest I can, with the money and time I have. I’ll continue to go to concerts. I’ll visit new places (I also need to plan another London trip, I must visit the Bowie exhibit at the V&A!) I want to go abroad at some point but I need to get my passport sorted. Also holidays are expensive!

Part of being a goth is embracing that your one go at life is very short. And we can’t always do the things we want to, but we can at least try. I have no idea how long I have left on this earth (I’m hoping I’m good for a few decades yet!) but I want to get to the end with as few regrets as possible. I don’t want to waste this one life.

Gah, apologies. Memento Mori, and all that!

Anyway, I believe I’ve exhausted all I wanted to say on this matter. I’m thankful for the things I achieved and experienced this year, and I’m looking forwards to what 2025 brings. I hope you’ll still be here to take the journey with me.

I’ll see you next year.

Soph, signing off!

Social Media Burnout

Hello lovely readers. I apologise that I’ve left it so long again. Truth be told, I haven’t had much to tell you on the writing front. I hope you are well, despite the current dystopian times we’re in. Just remember that love always triumphs hate, and hope can survive in even the darkest of shadows.

Today, I would like to talk about social media, and how I’m finding myself a little burnt out.

I’m an odd one. As an introvert, I find socialising to be heavily taxing anyway. When it comes to real life, I completely shut down and become pretty much nonverbal when I have to deal with too many people. When I’ve hung out with the few “in real life” friends I have, I need a few days to recuperate before I’m ready to speak to them again. So, when it comes to social media, mere apps on my phone, why do I desire to keep track of so many people?

Well, the first and most important answer is simply that I have been blessed with finding so many online friends. Whether you’re a fellow Crow from the Quill & Crow murder, or another indie writer I found along the way, or even somebody I’ve met through my oversharing of hyperfixations, know that I adore you. I apologise that I’m not the best at keeping up my end of the communication, but I am very thankful that I’ve found kindred spirits in the cesspool of all these apps.

And the second answer? It’s one of my toxic traits, and I hate myself for even feeling this way, but despite being a shy and awkward introvert who can’t always communicate…I have this need for people to like me.

Which is completely stupid and unrealistic, I know. Not everyone is going to like me, I realise. I’m not everybody’s cup of tea. I’m volatile and turbulent and sometimes “too much”, so OF COURSE not everybody is going to like me..

But, when I have mutuals across three apps that don’t follow me on all of them (which is obviously fine, I’m not owed their presence on every single app and they in turn are not obligated to follow me) it does have me questioning “what have I done wrong?” when it happens.

Life seemed a lot simpler and I know I was a lot happier when I only had one app to keep track of. But I absolutely do not blame people for jumping ship when such tyrants are in control and change things and make these spaces not safe anymore..

So, yeah. I’m feeling very overwhelmed at the thought of a) losing people I care deeply about, and b) spreading myself thin across all these apps. Not that I really deviate in what I post, I pretty much copy and paste the same thing. Nobody is getting any different content from me, it’s all me.

It’s strange though. I am feeling overwhelmed, but at the same time, I’m also asking myself “why do you care so much?” Which..yeah, fair. If others aren’t stressing over the thought of losing me, maybe I should save my anxieties for real problems..

So…yeah.

I apologise, this wasn’t really a nice thing to read. Long story short, I have insecurities about people actually liking me and having to navigate all these apps is just fueling them. When in reality, I just need to remember that I ABSOLUTELY DO have people in my corner who care about me, who I care about in return. Hell, I’m sure everyone is feeling the strain of juggling all these apps.

Nevertheless, in spite of the burnout, I still want to keep track of my friends, so here’s a reminder of what I’m on and what I’m under:

X/Twitter – ladyxesphio

Threads & Instagram – soph_brookes

Bluesky – flannelqueen

That about wraps it up for today. Hopefully next time I’ll have something nicer to write about.

Soph, signing off!

Half Yearly Reflection (And Some Writing News)

Hello lovely readers! I hope you’re having a lovely summer (or winter for my southern hemisphere friends) and that you had a wonderful Pride month! June may be over, but Pride is eternal; love will always triumph hate.

Well, SOMEHOW we are already halfway through 2024, and thus a perfect time to reflect upon my goals for this year and see how I’m fairing. So, I was rather optimistic at the beginning of the year and set myself five goals:

  • Write a short story every week
  • Read less to focus more on gaming
  • Learn to play guitar
  • Learn to crochet
  • Find a new job

So, off the bat I’ll just say that the last three? Not happening. My guitar teacher decided he no longer likes the guitar, I’m struggling to find time to learn how to crochet, and I’m not emotionally or mentally sound enough to try finding a new job. Maybe next year, but I won’t hold my breath…

Now, let’s focus on the other two, where I do have a modicum of success.

My weekly short stories were going incredibly well at the beginning of the year. It was such a nice feeling to be writing with ease, and most importantly, actually finishing the stories! I’m a serial “starting projects but never finishing them”er, but I was able to prove myself wrong.

That being said, my motivation and productivity has tanked as of late. I haven’t written a story in a while, and right now, I have very little desire to try again. Hopefully this rut will pass, and I’ll get back on track. For now, I’m sitting pretty on 14 completed short stories!

As for my gaming..I mean, I HAVE played more games this year than usual. For those who are interested, I played Stardew Valley, Another Code: Recollection, Snufkin: Melody of Moominvalley, and not long started Tomb Raider: Remastered. But I’ve still read more books than I have played games, so…success..ish..

So..yeah. Truthfully, I’m not doing as well as I wanted to. HOWEVER, the year is far from over, and and still turn the tide and work on my productivity.

And now for some exciting writing news..

*drum roll*

I am very pleased to announce that I’m being published once again! Earlier this year, the wonderful Quill & Crow Publishing House announced a submission call for a sixth volume of Crow Calls, called Renascentem. I wrote a poem for this anthology, and I was accepted!

A volume of poetry. The title is Renascentem, Crow Calls Volume VI.

A lot of the OG Crows came aboard for this volume, as well as some new ones too! I’m honoured to be among such a talented bunch. Renascentem releases on July 15th, and it’s currently up for pre-order! Head on over to The Crow Shoppe to dab yourself a copy!

That about wraps up today’s post. I’m not where I would have liked to be regarding my yearly goals, but I can’t snub what I have achieved. And there’s still plenty of time to get back to it.

Thank you for reading, and I hope you pick up Renascentem when it releases!

Soph, signing off!

Goals For 2024

Hello lovely readers! I hope the new year has been treating you well so far! Today’s post is long overdue, as I was supposed to do this right at the beginning of the year… But hey, better late than never!

In today’s post, I wanted to go into further detail about my goals for this year. I guess you can also call this an accountability post for when I’m feeling unmotivated. So far, my goals have been treating me well! But I know, it’s still early yet, things can change..

Anyway, without any further ado, my goals for 2024:

Write One Short Story A Week

Yes, I’m tackling the (for me, at least..) rather ambition task of writing a story a week. I’m not limiting myself to word counts or lengths. It’s simply “as long or as short as I want it to be”. And so far, it’s working out really well! We’re in the sixth week of the year, and I already have five completed stories to my name, and I’ve made a start on Weekly Story 6.

Of course, I will allow myself breaks for possible burn-out. And there may be weeks where I simply have no time to write. So I’m not being too hard on myself for those things.

Focus More On Gaming

Most of my free time is taken up with reading, simply because that’s one of the things I enjoy doing most. However, I do also enjoy gaming. Books always take priority over gaming…but not this year! There are a few games coming out this year that I have my eye on, and I’ve made the decision to do less reading so I can play more games.

I’m still planning on reading this year, just not as much.

Learn To Play Guitar

I owned a guitar in my teens, but because I didn’t have a good teacher, or the right resources, I never got anywhere with it. It’s one of those dreams I kept in the back of my head, thinking I’d never actually get around to it.

Now I’m ready for another go. I don’t actually have a guitar yet, I’m still looking. I’m going down the acoustic route this time, just because it’s the type of music I think I’d enjoy making.

Again, like the writing, I’m not giving myself any definite goals. I have no idea what is idealistically achievable in a year. Could I learn a song? Should I just stick to theory? I still don’t know, so “learn to play guitar” sounds safe and vague.

Take Up Crochet

It was actually last year that I wanted to learn to crochet. I gave it a go, trying a video tutorial, but I didn’t get on with it. I abandoned it, thinking that maybe, crocheting just isn’t for me.

But I’m also a little stubborn, so I want to give it another go at some point. A few people have even offered to help teach me!

Job Hunt

I’m hoping to find a new job this year. I’ve outstayed my welcome at my current job, this will be my 15th year there! I’ve been there since I was 16, it was only supposed to be a temp job!

I have a plethora of reasons for wanting to leave. Benefits being taken away, little to no support, always expecting 100% when I don’t always have the resources and man-power to give so..I could go on.

The main reason is simply that I’m not happy there anymore. I dread going to work. I know it’s just something you have to do, but surely, the least I can hope for is to be in a job I actually enjoy?

I’m beyond anxious about the thought of going through the process, especially the interviews (how do you make people like you??), but again, it’s just something I have to do. Hopefully I can find something for myself soon.

And that about wraps up my goals for this year. Hopefully by the end of 2024, I’ll have achieved some awesome things for myself.

Soph, signing off!

End of Year Reflection

Hello lovely reader! I hope you had a lovely festive period. I’ve left it far too long since my last post (checks notes..five months?? Oof..) I don’t have any exciting writing news to share this time around I’m afraid, but I do have something to say. So buckle in, grab yourself a cup of tea (or whatever beverage you’d prefer) and reflect on the 2023 with me..

The best selfie I took this year!

For me, 2023 has been one of the most surprising years of my life. My Carpe Diem year, for I truly did seize the day on so many different accounts. I travelled to lots of places on my own. I drove long distances to go see concerts I would normally deem “too far away”. I met some famous people! I had more of my words published. I even went out in the height of summer to go visit a zoo (thank goodness for factor 50 suncream!)

But why? What was it about this particular year that made me so brave? So willing to task risks and live my life to the fullest? Well, I actually have two answers for this:

Answer number one is that this time last year, I was very ill. I still have no idea what it was that actually ailed me, but whatever it was, it sent my anxiety through the roof. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I honestly thought I was going to die. I was so, so scared. Thankfully, I was able to get the help I needed and I recovered. So part of my adventurous year was making up for the time I was ill.

Answer number two is that I turned 30 this year. There is something about turning 30 that makes you REALLY aware of mortality. Something that suddenly makes you think “oh crap, I’m going to die one day.” Now, don’t get me wrong, I’ve always been an existentialist. To quote Barbie, “Do you guys ever think about dying?” Because I do! But yeah, there’s just something about the big 3-0 that really drives that home. And also makes you want to make the most of your finite time on this earth. Cue the adventuring!

Now, if you follow me on other platforms, then you’ll know I got into The Moomins this year. I’m even building my own Moominhouse! So something I really wanted to do this year was visit both Moomin shops in London. These became two separate trips; one day in Covent Garden and one day in Camden Market. I never really get over how massive London is, and it’s one of the reasons why I avoided it in the past. But now it’s definitely one of my favourite cities to visit!

Now onto concerts. I’m a rock and metal girly, and I absolutely adore going to concerts. It’s where I feel alive. In that moment, for those few hours, all your troubles have perished, and it’s just you and the music. However, in the past, I was limited to where I could go. I usually go to concerts on my own, so I only went to concerts I could comfortably get to on my own. And massive arena concerts were out of the question. But this year? I drove THREE HOURS, ON MY OWN just to see Corey Taylor at a Q&A session in Kingston, London. And then drove back on the same night! I also did it with the band Siames in Hackney, London. Aaand then there was another Corey concert in Wolverhampton, but that was a much shorter drive. BUT STILL! Solo car trips that I would have never done in the past!

How wrong people were, turning 30 is awesome!

Also! Whilst I’m still on the topic of concerts, I also met some of them! Now, I’ve daydreamed about meeting some of idols many times in the past, but it’s not something I’ve ever tried achieve. I had the chance to meet Alexi Laiho (Children of Bodom, Bodom After Midnight) at a record shop in Nottingham twelve years, but I bailed at the last moment. Do you know how much I regret that? Especially since he died a few years ago? So when, after the Siames show, singer Sergio says “stick around afterwards, we’ll come see you!” I knew I had to jump on this opportunity. So. I was brave. I tried to keep it together, tried not to be too Awkward Soph, and was able to meet and get pictures with both the singer and the keyboardist! The latter even recognised me from an Instagram post earlier than day, which was so so amazing!

And whilst I would have loved to have met Corey Taylor, I was perceived by him at the Q&A session! The interviewer said “Now, this next question is from..Sophie Brookes! Is there a Sophie here?” To which I waved my hand and a strange “yoo-hoo” sound came out of me. Corey saw me, pointed at me, then waved at me! And then answered my question. That made my entire year!

So yes. A lot of adventuring this year, and being perceived by amazing people I idolise!

Writing wise, I was published twice this year! I had two more of poems published in Crow Calls Volume 5, as well as a page of prose included in The Next Page Book Project: The Masks We Wear. I won’t dwell on those too much, as I’ve already written separate posts for those earlier in the year.

I also finished a short story! A small win for Soph “Writer of stories, finisher of none” Brookes. It’s called The Fater, and it’s up on Wattpad if you fancy a read (I’m on there as LadyXesphio).

I was also going to write about my resolutions for 2024, but I fear I’ve rambled on far too much on this post, so I may save that for another post. A New Year post maybe..

But yes! For now, I think I’ve covered everything I wanted to talk about. If I came across like I was bragging, please please please know that that was not my intention! It’s just that there were a lot of firsts for me this year. I was brave and I took risks so I could make the most of my year.

I definitely have no regrets for 2023.

I apologise for such a long post! Thank you so much for reading, especially if you made it to the end. Wishing you all the best and a happy new year!

Memento Mori.

Soph, signing off!

Introducing Vex and Deker (and other stuff about The Fater)

Hello lovely readers! We’re already in July, and the weather is as chaotic as ever (well, here on the British Isles, anyway..) I imagine some of you are now able to enjoy a few weeks off, I hope you enjoy your summer! Me? No, I work in retail, no summer break for me.. *cries*

Anyway, I’ve been absolutely itching to share more information about my short story, The Fater! For me, this is such an important writing win, as I’ve now proven to myself that yes, I CAN finish a story! For me, The Fater is just the beginning. There is still hope for me to write a full-length, marketable story!

But in the meantime: The Fater!

Now, in my last post, I made a vague a reference to this story being a collaborative effort. That is because The Fater is actually only half the story. The other half is in the form of a drawing, by my faraway bestie, Xyn!

Well over a year and a half ago, maybe even two years now, my friend Xyn came up with an idea to help me get out of my writing slumps. The idea was this: he would come up with a character, draw that character, and then in turn, I would think of and write a story for this character. This offered me a fresh challenge from my many lacklustre works in progress, so of course, I definitely agreed!

The Fater is actually our second collab. Collab one produced an absolutely tiny story out of me: a four page endeavour called The Faulty Cat-Light. If anything, The Faulty Cat-Light walked so The Fater could run!

For the story that would eventually become The Fater, Xyn created the character Deker. A fellow dressed entirely in maroon, wearing a fedora upon his head. Almost immediately, the phrase “gambling demon of fate” came into my head, thus creating the basis of The Fater.

Introducing Vex and Deker!

Now, for a brief synopsis:

“Life for Vex is as stale as it gets. Dead-end job, neighbours from hell, a dwindling dream of becoming an artist that she believes in less and less every day. One afternoon, Vex accidentally evokes the help of Deker, a gambling demon of Fate. He promising change and fortune, if only Vex is brave enough to take the gamble.”

Intrigued yet?

I still haven’t found a home for The Fater yet. I think I’m a little scared of being perceived, haha.. I posted last time that I was thinking of revamping my Wattpad, and that’s definitely still a possibility. I might also put The Faulty Cat-Light on there too. As little as that story is, I still loved writing it.

And that’s literally why Xyn set me these collaborations. To make me fall back in love with writing! So yeah, massive massive thanks to my faraway bestie. If you’re reading this, you’re the best, Xyn! ❤

I also recently came up with a story for our next collaboration. Still unnamed for now, going with the working title “Collab 3”. I hope to have the same success with this character as I have with the previous ones.

That’s about it for now. If and when I decide to share The Fater, and maybe The Faulty Cat-Light, I will definitely make a post about that too, so look out for that in the future.

Soph, signing off!

Wait, I Actually Finished A Story? (and other updates!)

Hello lovely readers! It’s been a little while since I last posted, I hope all is well with you. Are we enjoying the summer? Or are you like me, fair-skinned and seething, melting away and wanting nothing but autumn to be here? Either way, I hope you’re taking care yourselves in this hot, hot weather!

So, exciting writing news. I actually finished a story! A feat many others have achieved many, many times over, but for me, it seemed to be something that was getting further and further out of my reach. My turbulent mind means that I’m CONSTANTLY pursuing the shiny new idea, rather than sticking to one story. But somehow, I managed to fall in love and stick to one of my many, MANY, works in progress. And now I am pleased to say, I have finished it!

…well, the first draft, anyway. Already I’m thinking about possible things I could change, or certain parts that outright need scraping. And of course, my favourite part: turning the trash fire into something beautiful!

Now, the story itself isn’t actually all that long. Right now, it’s just shy of 7000 words, which could obviously change after edits.

Some of you may be thinking “huh, only 7000 words? Is that worth celebrating?” And the answer is YES! ABSOLUTELY! A writing win is a writing win, no matter how big or small. And for me, who’s never actually written anything remotely book-length, it’s a massive step forward (apart from the “novel” I wrote when I was 11, which I’m thinking of writing about in a future blog post..)

I also want to talk a little more about what inspired the story I wrote, but that in itself can cover an entire blog post, so I may save that for later. I’ll just say one thing, to maybe keep you guessing: this was actually a collaborative effort!

Here’s the moodboard for my story, The Fater!

Now, once I’m done with the editing and polishing stage, I will be looking for a place for this story to live. I don’t think it’s enough to be published, and to be honest, I’m not looking to make money from this anyway. It’s just that some of you lovely lot have expressed curiosity, and want to read it, and I want somewhere for you to do that!

To be honest, I’ve been thinking about revamping my Wattpad account. As some of you know, I absolutely adore The Moomins, and have been thinking about writing “episodes” about them, fanfiction I suppose, with the intent of publishing them on Wattpad. So there’s already one potential place. However, a few people have also recommended SubStack, which I need to do a little research on. If anybody has any information, or maybe some more recommendations on where I could publish my work, please comment below!

Anything else to add?

Oh, yes. Dear Hypnos. *sigh* At this point, it’s just fear keeping me from publishing my poetry collection. Do I want to be perceived? Do I want to deal with the tax/royalties side of self-publishing? Do I want that pressure? Obviously the answer to all of these is YES, if I want to “make it” as an indie author. I will get there, I promise. I will be brave one day!

I think that’s all from me today. Look out for another blog post about my story in the future, and hopefully, some news as to where you can read it!

Soph, signing off!